When Love, Timing & Biology Don’t Quite Sync

Why can some couples fall pregnant strait away, and others cannot?

I have been working as a naturopath for almost twenty years, and fifteen of these years have been working with couples trying for a baby. Now before you ask, yes it is hard being part of this journey. As an emotional Scorpio, who for most of my career has been of child rearing age, I have found it incredibly rewarding when the outcome is a healthy beautiful baby. And yet incredibly upsetting when it just doesn’t happen. But why doesn’t it happen for some?

Is it the diet?

This is the largest part of what I work on with clients. We look to increase the volume of fresh, organic, fruit and vegetables to each meal. Increasing the antioxidants like; polyphenols, carotenoids, anthocyanins, vitamins, and minerals. Now making radical changes to someones diet can be tough, but the dedication to making it work for a couple trying to conceive is like no other motivation I have seen before.

For some increasing the antioxidant rich foods is easy, so we promptly move on to ensuring regular protein intake is coming from non-processed meats, organic eggs and tofu, nuts, seeds, lentils, pulses, and beans.

Honestly- that’s enough, if you can make the foundation of your diet a combination of these two categories you are going to provide your body with an entire list of vitamins, minerals, nutrients, and phytochemicals which really nourish your body and feed your hormones in all the right ways.

If you are doing all of this, but vaping, and consuming alcohol regularly, slamming a packet of chips, munching on take-away pad thai, hot chips, and burgers then there is going to be a lot of muck in your gut disrupting those endocrine receptors which are trying to get those hormones communicating at their best.

Photo by Kier in Sight Archives on Unsplash

Is it the stress we put on ourselves and our partners?

There is no doubt that trying for a baby for months on end creates stress and tension in a relationship. It also creates stress in the body. When the body is under stress what do you think the first area of our biology is effected?

Our fertility is not a survival response, it is something which in most cases thrives in conditions amenable to a relaxed environment. Now in my experience, many couples I work with, they themselves work in the concrete jungle, often in high stress positions. They work long hours, in sedentary professions, in offices filled with artificial lighting, recycled air-conditioning, average cafes with toasted sandwiches, and a culture of coffee breaks. So to offset this go-go work life, 6am gym classes with 5:00am alarm clocks are set to get the exercise and mobility needed in for the day. Followed by a closing to the day of a ready-made meal at 8pm, a couple of glasses of wine, some streaming on phones/ipads before the lights go out and it starts all over again.

For many couples, I encourage them to look at what their week looks like, and how they can bring more down time, screen-free time, time spent in nature to create a more fertility friendly environment.

Is it the supplements or the lack thereof?

Patient X “My GP told me to take some elevit?”

Me “Ok, and what about your partner?”

Patient X“They didn’t say he needed to take anything”

Me “Ok… let’s talk about this…”

When trying to conceive, in Naturopathic territory, the type of prenatal multivitamin you take matters. Just like research has shown the importance of folate to prevent neural tube defects, adequate intake of nutrients like choline, iodine, active B12, and trace minerals are really part of our foundation for preparing the body for pregnancy.

Not only does it matter for the woman, but for the owner of the sperm cells too.

Not all prenatal multivitamins are created equal, so some products such as elevit are missing key nutrients essential for embryonic development, like choline. When you and your partner are looking to make a baby, you ideally want 12-6 months prior to conception to be nutrient loading. This means giving your bodies ALL the key nutrients required for healthy egg and sperm cell health.

There is no real way to know, but in many cases in my clinic we have switched over to good quality prenatals for both partners, and conception has occurred within 3 months of using the preferred supplements.

Is it the relationship?

I am not a counsellor, and by no means a relationship expert. But in some of my couples there is often one person driving the fertility train, and one person a passive passenger who hops on and off as they choose.

I always encourage both partners to come to appointments so everyone gets the same information and is given the advice appropriate to them. Yet as it goes for many couples, it is often the woman changing her diet, taking her vitamins, downloading the meditation apps. While the male partner (in heterosexual relationships) is eating the healthy dinners, sometimes taking his vitamins, and smashing the beers on the weekends.

Now of course this is not the cause of anyones infertility- but when the urge for some is so strong to have a baby, and just slightly there for others, I do believe there is a certain amount of cosmic energy at play perhaps stalling things for a reason.

Photo by Elahe Motamedi on Unsplash

Is it the timing?

We all know that falling pregnant requires insemination during the ovulatory window. But what we don’t all know is when we ovulate. This is a key piece of information for couples who have been trying for more than 6 months. There are only a certain number of days in a woman’s cycle in which ovulation can take place, so learning about your body for signs of ovulation is really helpful.

• One sided left lower abdominal pain (short and sharp, called “Mittelschmirz” translating to middle pain). It will alternate each month if you are ovulating from both ovaries. Not noticeable for all women.

• Cervical mucous is fluid which is made by the cervix at various times during the menstrual cycle. It typically becomes clear, stretchy, and thin during ovulation to allow for sperm to reach the egg easily.

• Basal body temperature increases by about 0.2-0.3 degrees celsius after you have ovulated. This is one of the most accurate ways to tell if you have ovulated. Tracking your temperature during your cycle is a great way to help support your conception if you are having difficulty.

These three signs are your best natural indicators for ovulation. There are more tests which can be done to gauge if you are ovulating regularly including blood hormone tests and ultrasound monitoring. The advice I give my clients is to have sex every 2 days from day 10 of your cycle until day 18.

My personal opinion

For me, as a person who studied naturopathy, as a woman who had PCOS with irregular cycles, as a person who eats a varied diet with as much organic produce as I can, as a person who took all the prenatal vitamins, and laid out the bottles for my husband to take each morning, and as a person who had a miscarriage for my first pregnancy, and fell pregnant first time at each attempt I believe it really is a combination of all the topics I mentioned above. Diet, stress, supplements, timing, and a supportive partner. I also believe that there are plenty of people just like me, for whom falling pregnant and having a baby hasn’t happened. For reasons we don’t yet know. I have my suspicions on environmental factors, genetic variants, and energetic blockages.

I believe that if you want a baby, you will try anything, and you will throw immense amounts of time, energy, and money at it, and for some it will work out, and others it wont. As an optimist I think it is always worth trying. I hope you all get to meet your baby some day and be filled with the fruits of your labour (including citrus).